Quack Experimental Fan Fiction: Excel Saga
by Kawaii Amethist
Summary: Parodies fan fictions - begins with the hyper daughter cadets of ACROSS Chibi-Cel and Chibi-Hyatt thrust back in time to obtain manga for the bishielicious Lord Ilpalazzo! Hail Ilpalazzo!
1. Default Chapter

Quack Experimental Fan Fiction: Excel Saga  
  
"I need a new story idea." I say to myself, "Hmm.maybe a new next generation idea. But what?"  
  
I turn my PS2 player on, a DVD's inside, an ADV one is seems. "Oh look it's Excel Saga, been a while since I watched that.wait, that's it! I'll do a next gen. of Excel Saga! Booyah! This'll be awesome!" I look down and see I've caused my bed to crash down the centre. "Ahem." Casually I step to the side.  
  
"But.who in their right mind would have a kid with Excel Excel?" I ponder this, "Well - no one said it had to be on purpose." I evilly smirk.  
  
"I - " I turn around to see a thin man in glasses, stamping my forehead, "I Koshi Rikdo hereby give permission for Excel Saga to be turned into a Western anime fan's work of fan literature!"  
  
I blink, peering up at the red mark on my head, "But I'm Australian, not western.Baka."  
  
Our Story Begins.In the Future.  
  
"My, how far into the future?" Will-chan asks me.  
  
I shrug, "No idea.but.um.Excel's a grown woman! On the outside at least - " I cue a sweat-drop to myself as I nervously giggle.  
  
~ ACROSS ~  
  
"Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!" Meekly says Chibi-Hyatt, tumbling back. "Wheeze.wheeze."  
  
Chibi-Cel peers down at her friend, "Er.Hat-chan?" Chibi-Cel clears her throat and jumps in the air, flashing a huge grin, winking, "Hail - Daddy!"  
  
Ilpalazzo reads a manga as he sits bishily on his throne, "Greetings girls - oh, where are your mothers?"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt pulls her strength, raising an arm, trembling, "Drowning in the bath, sir."  
  
"I see, and where is Excel?" Ilpalazzo requests, taking a moment to laugh at his manga.  
  
Chibi-Cel dances around Chibi-Hyatt, throwing red petals at her, "Playing with plastic boats in the bath Mrs. Hyatt is drowning in, toot-toot!"  
  
Lord Ilpalazzo flips his manga over, "Preoccupied again? Very well, I will have to charge you two with the mission. Who knows, you may even be more useful."  
  
Chibi-Cel bunches up her fists joyfully, "My heart if filled with joy and Smart Missiles! My dear Daddy is charging me, his only daughter with a mission! A MISSION!!! Gambatte Chibi-Cel!"  
  
"How Japanese of you Cel-Chan," breaths Chibi-Hyatt, fainting.  
  
Chibi-Cel grows bunny ears, "So.what's the mission?!"  
  
Ilpalazzo boldly rises to his feet, holding out the manga dramatically, "You are.to go to the past and get me the complete edition of this manga in mint condition!"  
  
The young girl scratches her head, "Cel-chan is most grateful - but doesn't see why she has to time travel."  
  
"Since foolish companies in Japan decided Sailor Moon wasn't a hot manga item anymore they stopped print of copies! And so, as a newly devoted fan, I must have two copies of each manga book! One mint condition.the other for reading purposes. Do you understand the importance of this mission, Cel- chan?!"  
  
Chibi-Cel grins, "Ah, Daddy is now a bishoujo fanboy? Very well, as your daughter and disciple, I Cel-chan, her bestest friend in the whole wide sugar bowl, Chibi-Hyatt and - " Chibi-Cel grabs out of nowhere a mewing little puppy with a cute pink bow, "our faithful pet and emergency snack - Chi!" Chi mews, trying to kick herself out of the crazy girl's grasp.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt suddenly pops up, blood trickling down her mouth, "How shall we enter the past, Lord Ilpalazzo?"  
  
He points to a large, red and white swirled circle, "Through this portal."  
  
"Yay!" Chibi-Cel races toward it, jumping into it, banging her head, falling back. "Cel-chan is in paaaain!"  
  
"I haven't turned it on yet."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Ilpalazzo pulls a rope, the circle swirls at a rate of 60 dizzy spells per 30 seconds. "Ok, now you may jump."  
  
"Thanks Daddy!" Giggles Chibi-Cel, pulling a water float up her legs to sit at her waste. "Banzai!" She dives in.  
  
"I hope the water is not too deep," ponders Chibi-Hyatt, meekly stepping in.  
  
Ilpalazzo sits back on his throne, flipping to another page of his manga, "My word, Miss Usagi's turning bi?" 


	2. Hyatt Times Two

Rowing slowly, Watanabe brings the hired rowboat to the river's wharf. Hyatt kindly smiles, causing him to blush.  
  
"That was very nice, Mr. Watanabe," thanks Hyatt, as he begins to help her out.  
  
"No problem Miss Ayasugi - " He stutters, catching his fainting date. "Are you ok, Miss Ayasugi?"  
  
Hyatt gurgles up blood, her pupils dilating, "Just a.a.cold." Hyatt peers up, zombie-like; she faints again, this time catching Watanabe's lips in a kiss. Watanabe's ears explode with popcorn.  
  
"Miss Ayasugi's become so bold!" His head screams, "Yes, yes, YES, now I have the confidence I need dammit! And those two bastards aren't here to ruin my moment of bliss!"  
  
Iwata and Sumiyoshi are concealed behind a bush, munching on rice crackers as they survey their friend.  
  
"If he marries her, what will become of us?" Iwata wonders aloud.  
  
Sumiyoshi replies, We'll have to pay more rent.   
  
"That Watanabe is so selfish! This means we'll have to get wives too! Hey Maybe Miss Misaki will."  
  
Misaki Matsuya strolls by, casually shooting a warning shot, just missing Iwata's head, "I wouldn't count on it."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
I believe she already did.   
  
Watanabe's head pokes through the bush, "WILL YOU TWO STOP RUINING MY ROMANTIC MOMENT?!"  
  
Watanabe holds Hyatt's hand, "Miss Ayasugi, there is something very important that I would like to ask you."  
  
Hyatt's eyes dazily encircle, "Yes, these are my real breasts."  
  
Watanabe's nose bleeds, "That's not what I was going to ask!"  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Watanabe takes a breath, "I am asking you be my."  
  
A flash in the sky. Watanabe looks up, "Now what?"  
  
A duffel bag whacks him in the head, sending him to the ground. Watanabe growls, shaking the bag, "Dammit, that hurt! Where did this damn thing come from, a freakin' plane?!"  
  
"I.I.I.uhhh." comes a soft girl's voice from the duffel bag. Watanabe gasps, opening the bag, revealing a miniature version of Hyatt. The girl's face is puffed up, a vacant expression on her face. Bewildered, she holds a gun to Watanabe's head, "Ma.n.ga."  
  
Watanabe nervously laughs, "A toy gun, how cute."  
  
The girl shoots Watanabe in the head, in a bloody mess, he falls back.  
  
"This won't do!" Cuts in the Great Will of the Macrocosm.  
  
Watanabe nervously laughs, "A toy gun, how cute."  
  
The girl shoots, narrowly missing Watanabe, catching a Puchuu instead. The Puchuu, now ugly, rolls over, "Ah, you killed me!"  
  
"Say, are you a relative of Miss Ayasugi?" He asks, quickly swiping the gun from the mysterious young girl. An ultra-cute floating Puuchu balls floats around the girl.  
  
"Ayasugi.I.Hyatt."  
  
"Oh, so you are related!" He says with a smile, disposing of the gun in the trash. "Since you have the same name I'll just call you Chibi-Hyatt, is that OK?"  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Great! Then it's settled - Chibi-Hyatt. Isn't that great Miss Ayasugi?" No reply, in fact she's no longer on the wharf. Frantically he twists his head around looking for a trace of her.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt points to the lake. Hyatt's head is bobbing under the water, as she slowly drowns.  
  
"Miss Ayasugi!!!"  
  
"Oooh." breathes Chibi-Hyatt, collapsing onto her floating ball.  
  
"Chibi-Hyatt! Ahhhh! Why does everyone always die around me?!"  
  
"Maybe it's his breath," ponders Iwata, "Dear God, and I've been using his tooth brush all week! Maybe this is why I can't score! I knew it couldn't be me."  
  
Yes.that's the way.   
  
Chibi-Hyatt's eyes flutter, "ACROSS." 


	3. Excel Meets ChibiCel

Excel salutes before Lord Ilpalazzo's throne. "Hail, Lord Ilpalazzo! Your Excel has returned from her ultra violent, difficult, courageous, mind numbingly, pain staking task!"  
  
"Excellent. So where are the goods?" demands Ilpalazzo.  
  
Excel presents the grocery bag, "The convenience store wasn't very convenient for Excel as they were out of the soda you like. However she was able to get for 1% off this oversized novelty jug of cod liver oil!" Excel tears out of the bag the jug, which is three times her size.  
  
Without warning Ilpalazzo tugs on a rope, opening the floor beneath Excel. Excel screams and rants as she falls. "EXCEL IS SORRY LORD ILPALAZZO! EXCEL IS FALLING ONCE AGAIN! HER SKIN IN SLIDING UP HER BONES! DOES HER MEDICAL INSURANCE COVER THIS? AAAHHHH."  
  
Ilpalazzo sulks in his throne, "I really wanted some Strawberry Fizz too.damn. Now what I am I supposed to do with all that disgusting oil?"  
  
Excel promptly returns, puffing and panting. Her bones hold her skin in one hand, "Excel was planning to lose some weight, thank-you oh sexy, bishie one for saving me the trouble!"  
  
"No problem Excel. Now for today's mission you are to.do you hear something?"  
  
"Excel's mission for today is to hear something?" She tilts her head up, her ear widening. "Hmm. Excel can only hear her little heart beating and the deep, manly voice of her Lord Ilpalazzo."  
  
"SUUUUUUURRRRRFFFFF'S UUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!"  
  
"Ne? Ne?" Excel blinks.  
  
A mini version of Excel crashes from nowhere, kicking Excel to the ground, she slides along the marble flooring, using Excel as a surfboard. She slides in, in front of Ilpalazzo's throne and gives him the V sign. "Hail Daddy!"  
  
Ilpalazzo rubs his chin, "Can I help you, young lady?"  
  
"I am Chibi-Cel, your daughter from the near future!" She replies, bouncing all over Excel's stiff body.  
  
Excel growls, kicking her off, suddenly holding out Menchi, "Hah, such an obvious attempt to infiltrate the secret ideological organization of ACROSS! But Excel and her emergency food ration, Menchi, see through your evil, twisted plot! Prepare to die, impostor kid! Bwuahahaha!" Dark clouds form behind the oh so menacing Excel Excel.  
  
Ilpalazzo takes Chibi-Cel's hand, "What an energetic and cute child I shall have."  
  
The clouds move above Excel and begin to shower above her head.  
  
"Chibi-Cel, as my daughter, I shall make you second in command. Therefore you are Excel's senior and have all rights to make her life as much a living hell as possible," announces Ilpalazzo. "Just sign here, here and here."  
  
As she signs the contract, the clouds over Excel blast her with lightning over and over.  
  
Ilpalazzo smiles, "Good girl. And what is your mission sweet child of mine?"  
  
Chibi-Cel tips a box of metal tools around Excel, causing hundreds of lightning bolts to strike her simultaneously. "My mission is to buy mint condition manga for my dear Daddy! Isn't that cool??"  
  
"Very, then be off, and take Excel with you, you know, in case you get bored and want a scratching post."  
  
"Thanks Daddy!" Giggles Chibi-Cel, saluting. With Chi sleeping on her head, Chibi-Cel takes the burnt out Excel by her hair and begins to drag her from headquarters. "Man lady, lose some weight!"  
  
Ilpalazzo's eyes tear up, "What an innocent and adorable child I created! Her mother must be a goddess or angel!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
[And now a word from your author and her co-writer, Nabeshin.]  
  
Author-Chan: Well, all seems to be going fine with the story so far. Both girls are in the past safely and so far only one casualty.  
  
Nabeshin: That's all well and good Author-Chan, however we cannot forget what makes Excel Saga such a memorable and unique experience.  
  
Author-Chan: .Death jokes?  
  
Nabeshin: *scratches his afro* Apart from that! We're talking shameless depravation of the anime world babee!  
  
Author-Chan: I see where this is going Mr. Director!  
  
Nabeshin: Right babee, time to humiliate and pervert fan fics everywhere!  
  
Author-Chan: How self-righteous we will look.  
  
Both: All in the name of comedy! Bring on the shame! 


	4. OOC

## I, the Great Will of the Macrocosm bestow the powers of "Out Of Character" ##  
  
Chibi-Hyatt sips her lemonade. She sits outside a small café with Hyatt and Watanabe.  
  
"What brings you to F, Chibi-Hyatt?" Inquires Watanabe, slipping the buss boy a hell of a tip.  
  
Hyatt rudely folds her arms, "Yeah, I don't remember having a cousin. Are you wearing a wire?!"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt silently continues sipping, infuriating Hyatt who takes the floating Puchuu ball, rattling it. "And what is this?"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt smiles. "Puchuu M."  
  
"That's a dumb name."  
  
Puchuu M explodes in Hyatt's grasp, leaving her face charred. She wails, watching it reappear behind Chibi-Hyatt.  
  
"I am here to.to.to." Chibi-Hyatt takes a moment to cough, blood left in her hands, "to."  
  
Watanabe solemnly takes Chibi-Hyatt by the wrists; an airy, fluffy pink scenery surrounds them. "You poor child, look at you, you're so nervous you're coughing up your own blood. Do not fret young one, for now I shall take care of you and you alone."  
  
Hyatt pulls at her hair, "Damn that little spore!"  
  
Through her howling she can hear increasing fits of giggling. Hyatt turns around to see Iwata and Matsuya wrapped in each other's arms.  
  
"Oh, Iwata-Anata, you're so cool!" Dreamily shouts Matsuya, kissing him fiercely.  
  
Iwata laughs, "You're too much Misaki-chan!"  
  
The two happily walk into the café together.  
  
"Idiots," huffs Hyatt.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt gurgles froth, her eyes roll back, she falls off her seat.  
  
"Chibi-Hyatt! Not again!" Cries out Watanabe.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Meanwhile Excel and Chibi-Cel are strolling down the streets of F.  
  
"This city is so peaceful," sighs Excel, passing a burning building, and a dog mauling a small child, "the air is so clean, and he people are so energetic."  
  
Chibi-Cel bounds off the heads of pedestrians. "What happened to you, did I bust your brain or something? Oh, never mind, Cel-chan needs manga! Manga! Yeah, yeah! I'll buy it, steal it, terrorise for it! Sell Excel's body; rent out Chi for hardcore beast porn and even hold the universe hostage if I have to! All for my Daddy!"  
  
Excel stops to smell a rose, "My, how lovely."  
  
Chibi-Cel flips through the air, landing in front of Excel, "Lady, get your ass in gear, we have manga to buy, buy, BUY!"  
  
Excel kindly smiles, sending a shiver down her spine. Excel places a hand on Chibi-Cel's shoulder, "It's so sweet of you to want to help your father, however, reading comics is a very childish and unproductive way to spend ones free time. Maybe he'd prefer a chess board, or backgammon."  
  
Chibi-Cel blinks, weakly smiling, "Er.but Daddy asks for manga. Manga will make Daddy happy!"  
  
Excel shrugs, "Very well young one, tell me, which manga did he want?"  
  
Chibi-Cel flashes a grin, pointing to the heavens, "He wanted.um.He wanted.wait.He wanted, oh crap, Cel-chan forgets!!!"  
  
Chibi-Cel races around on the spot, "Oh no, OH NO! Cel-chan is the badest daughter in the whole entire ultraverse! She sux, she sux, SHE SUX!"  
  
Excel places a hand to her face, "Oh my."  
  
"AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HAT-CHAN IIIIIS! WAAAAAAH!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
At the café Chibi-Hyatt sneezes. Watanabe immediately hands her a hanky, "My poor little Chibi-Hyatt! You're catching the flu!"  
  
"Come on, it was ONE sneeze," huffs Hyatt. "Come on Watanabe, you SAID you'd take me shopping!"  
  
Watanabe ignores her, attending to Chibi-Hyatt. Hyatt grits her teeth, pulling at her hair, "Ooooh! I'll get her for this!"  
  
Watanabe turns to Hyatt, "Did you say something?"  
  
Hyatt gives him the finger and storms away. "#@!$ YOU!"  
  
"Such language," gasps Chibi-Hyatt, wheezing. 


	5. crossover

## Oh my, that didn't go down well.I the Great Will of the Macrocosm bestow an unnecessary crossover unto this fan fic! ##  
  
Hyatt gasps, looking around at her surroundings, "Why am I in the park?" Dizzily she falls to her knees, "Wasn't I just with Mr. Watanabe and my mysterious relative?"  
  
"Hey," says a man, "You OK?"  
  
Hyatt peers up, blinded by the sun, "Ah." She's unable to make out who's talking to her.  
  
"Don't just stand there, Mr. Zelgadis, we have to help her for the sake of justice!" Energetically urges a young female's voice.  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
~@@@~  
  
Excel and Chibi-Cel are currently working on their mission -  
  
"Pull, pull, PULL!" Roars Chibi-Cel.  
  
"Harder, Harder, HAAAARRRRDDDERR!" Hollers Excel Excel, kneeling before a case of manga, digging out all the manga into a huge pile behind her.  
  
"I'm coming!" Screams Chibi-Cel, falling back onto the pile she created, "Cel-chan is coming to an end to her whits. She has failed her handsome, cool Daddy!"  
  
"Wow, Lina, look at this shop, talk about a mess," comments a tall blonde man.  
  
His short, red headed companion huffs, "Man, I expected this to be a food shop, what a rip. Come along Gourry, I think I saw an ice-cream stall across the street."  
  
Excel rises to her feet, munching on a manga, she spits it out and gasps at the short red head's attire, "Excel spies an opposer to ACROSS and extremely bad cosplayer! Excel shall exterminate this little boy before he fiendishly uses his villainous cape and cheap medieval shoes to pillage and seduce the forces of ACROSS!"  
  
Chibi-Cel springs into action. "Using your cape and shoes for erotism is naughty, naughty, nifty!"  
  
Lina stamps her foot, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A BOY?!"  
  
"Excel does not see a chest, a cleavage, an ecchi! You lack all signs of womanhood you evil cosplayer!"  
  
Gourry nods, "I know. You'd think she was a guy or something."  
  
Lina promptly fireballs Gourry, "Jellyfish Brains! OK you two, you're gonna die!"  
  
"Slowly?!" Yells Excel, jumping on the spot with her arm raised.  
  
"Painfully?!" Yelps Chibi-Cel with glee.  
  
Lina Inverse growls, chanting a spell, "Who cares as long as you're dead! DRAGON SLAAAAVE!"  
  
A blinding light followed by an incredible explosion can be seen throughout the city.  
  
~@@@~  
  
"Looks like Lina's been pissed off again," comments Zelgadis, sipping coffee at the café Hyatt was beforehand.  
  
Amelia cups a hand over her forehead, "Definitely a Dragon Slave. Miss Lina really should learn to cap her tempter."  
  
Hyatt's currently passed out in her salad.  
  
~@@@~  
  
"So nice to see you again, Master Xellos," says Ilpalazzo, sipping wine with the Mazoku at a fancy small table, "And how is Zelas?"  
  
Xellos grins, "Same old, she sends her fondest regards and thanks for keeping the Slayers memory alive. It was so kind of you to fund Slayers Premium. The propaganda was genius, Lord Ilpalazzo."  
  
Ilpalazzo finishes his glass, pouring another for he and Xellos. They clink glasses, "To evil."  
  
~@@@~  
  
A line of destruction runs through the centre of F. Men, woman, children and emus run away like hell.  
  
Watanabe and Chibi-Hyatt squeeze their faces against the glass of the clothes store, observing the destroyed street.  
  
"What the Hell happened?!"  
  
"Messy."  
  
A blonde woman joins them for a look; a golden tail pokes out the back of her pink dress. Watanabe can't believe his eyes. Quietly, he pulls up her long pink dress to get a better look. The woman gasps, looking back.  
  
"PERVERT!" She snarls, grabbing out a large black mace, swiping him away. "Grrrrrrr! Stupid men!" 


	6. Song Fic

## I can't take this! Too much violence and not enough love! As the Will of the Macrocosm I command this fan fic become a heart wrenching song fic! ## Don't be cool vibration Revolu-fantasy Tell me full talk show day and the rain Watanabe dizzily rises to his feet; sore from the beating he took. Standing beside him is Chibi-Hyatt and Puchuu M. Chibi-Hyatt vacantly stares, "Are you well, Mr. Watanabe?" Watanabe rubs his bruised stomach, "I've lived through explosions, my roommates and an audit, I'll be fine, Chibi-Hyatt. So, how long was I unconscious?" "Two hours, thirty-six minutes, and eleven point two seconds, Mr. Watanabe," she replies, coughing into her palm. "And no one helped me in that time?!" He yells in rage. Chibi-Hyatt's eyes wonder from one shopper to the next, "No.one." Watanabe stamps his foot, "That's society for ya! We've deteriorated into a society of scumbags who only look out for number one! This world is so corrupt!" "Hail.ACROSS!" Squeaks Chibi-Hyatt, raising her arm in salute, before keeling forward. Watanabe catches her, and helps her onto his back. "Oh my God, that reminds me - we have to find Miss Ayasugi!" Every star, moon the rating Don't stop horror show inner darken Just say la la OH Hyatt crawls along the footpath, randomly kicked by pedestrians every now and then. Her motions are lagging, degenerating into a limp across the path. "This path is very hot, ooh, ooh." A little boy points to her, "Look Mama, it's a worm! Can I poke it and watch its brain ooze out?!" "Don't touch it!" Yells his mother, "You don't know where it came from!" "But.I wanna!" "You can electrocute the dog when we get home, OK?" Hyatt continues to limp her body across the path. "This world is very violent." Oh, No have a one cheaper ration Take me on a tolkin revolution Oh, No have a one chiz have a ration They be fun they have only standing star ~ "Why is Cel-chan at an anime convention?" Chibi-Cel inquires of Excel as she grips to the ceiling like a lizard, peering down. "These people are very strange, and wear stupid clothes, and my Giraffes from Space, Cel-chan spies a hentai roleplay!" Excel eagerly twists her head around all directions, "WHERE, WHERE, WHERE???" "Wow, all those tentacles!" Excel's eyes bulge, "Excel is wondering why the girls look so scared, and bleeding and panicking and ugh! Their clothes are all torn, and they shriek like banshees! Oh look, more tentacle monster cosplayers! People aren't original these days! Shame to them! Death to them!" "Cel-chan is thinking this may be a trap to lure in young girls dressed in cheap fabics, skimpy costumes and armed with many friends of similar outfits. Ooh! So this is what an anime con is!" "Excel feels tingly watching this wowiness, ecchi, erotic scene and wishes her Lord Ilpalazzo were here to quench the thirst of his horny, loyal subordinate!" Excel rubs herself against a lamp. Cel-chan takes a few snapshots of the scene below, "Cel-chan is having a good time, however she is still unable to recall what manga her cooler than icebergs Daddy wanted! Unfair!" Excel isn't listening, rubbing herself harder against the lamp. "No, don't take me Mr. Lamp, I'm so young and innocent! No, no!" Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Watanabe races through the streets, Chibi-Hyatt passed out on his back, "Miss Aiasugi! Miss Aiasugi!" Iwata and Sumiyoshi watch him run past. "Hey, looks like trouble in parade," comments Iwata, rubbing his forehead, "Looks like trouble averted." But you have that huge hospital bill to pay to cover damages from Matsuya's grenade. Iwata sighs, looking down at the bulge in his pants, "She didn't have to throw it down my pants.Thanks to those bandages I look like a total pervert!" Maybe girls will think you're strong and masculine - Maybe. Devil beam to the crushing Revolu-flymachine Adjust to buruji Just say la la OH "Oh, so you still get your time of the month, I see," Lord Ilpalazzo clicks off his mobile phone. He draws a red line through yet another name on his list. "Oh my, it looks as if I haven't impregnated anyone yet," he says to himself, "It must be a near future venture. I do hope this woman is worth my time, I can't just let anyone bear the successor of ACROSS." Oh, No have a one cheaper ration Take me on a tolkin revolution Oh, No have a one chiz have a ration They be fun they have only standing star ~ "Excel feels energetic, yet ever so sleepy - but VERY satisfied!" Yells Excel dancing around a tree. "Excel needs cuddles, yes, cuddles and cigarettes!" Chibi-Cel hangs from the tree, arms folded, "Cel-chan is worried. Her memory has gone on paid holiday and forgot to hire a fill-in. In the name of the moon, what manga was it dammit?!" Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Hyatt limps along, tired, stopping by a fountain. Paper thin, she slides in, her top half soaking in the cold water, bubbles popping up from her mouth. "This is very cold," Hyatt thinks to herself, "Oh my, now my bottom is cold." It has begun to rain. Not just rain, but bucket down, instantly flooding the streets. Cars, and innocents are dragged away by the current, honking and screaming. "I hope Mr. Watanabe has an umbrella and raincoat." Oh, No have a one cheaper ration Take me on a tolkin revolution Oh, No have a one chiz have a ration They be fun they have only standing star ~ Watanabe fights to walk against the current, trying to ignore the water at his waist. "I.have.to.find.Miss.Ayasugi.I.am.so.pissed.off.Everything.bad.always.happen s.to.me.Dammit.it.ALL!" Chibi-Hyatt's eyes open, "Did somebody switch a sprinkler on? Nice." "Don't worry Chibi-Hyatt, I'll find your cousin, then we can all have soup together and maybe hot chocolate," his eyes stream tears, "We'll all be like one happy family! Won't that be wonderful, Chibi-Hyatt?" "Warm.wonderful." Chibi-Hyatt snuggles into his back, watching a spacecraft float by, "Beep, beep." Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Shooby dooby do, shooby dooby do roo Hyatt dangles underwater, staring nonchalantly at fish, and donkeys. ~@@@~ [And now a word from your author and her co-writer, Nabeshin.] Author-Chan: .What the Hell did the Hellsing OP have to do with that chapter?! I didn't authorise that! Nabeshin: I like Hellsing. So does he. Author-Chan: He who? Nabeshin: *Rings a bell by his afro* Arucard's head pops out of the afro, an arm stretches out, pointing his gun at Author-Chan. Author-Chan: *Winces* Why are you in Mr. Director's afro? Hey, shouldn't you be in the Hellsing world? Crossover chapter's over. Arucard: *shrugs* You never wondered where I spend my time during the day.? Nabeshin: See? *Grins* It all makes perfect sense. Author-Chan: *Slides her chair well away* Moving on.Welcome to the table, our quick guest, Pedro! *Claps* So, Mr. P, enjoying the story? Pedro: Pedro is enjoying it very much Miss Author-Chan. Will Miss Hyatt be well? It seems so tragic! Much like poor Pedro's life! Author-Chan: *rubs her chin* I'd say your dead life was more tragic Mr. P.anyway, we've brought you here because Will-chan requested you pick the next parody for the fan fic. So, what can we do you for? Pedro: Si! Pedro likes very much the fictions that put characters into fairytales. They're so funny, and creative! His Sandora also loves them very much! Nabeshin: Does he mean those lame stories where there's more dialogue of the author than the actual characters? Author-Chan: *Lets out a long sigh, slumping back in her seat* Afraid so.and at a time like this too! Nabeshin: This looks like a job for the director, baby cakes! You just sit tight, and let me take the strain! Yeeeeah! Arucard: Yay, I'm off to download more Seras H. Author-Chan: .Can you e-mail me them? 


	7. Fairytale

Nabeshin-Soft Productions Presents - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! This is a dramatic retelling of a tale of jealousy, action, drama, romance and bad apples. Now sit back, drink a martini and enjoy the show kids.  
  
Once upon a time.er, right now.a young lady by the name of Hyatt Ayasugi is drowning to her doom. She gurgles under the water, gasping for breath. Soon she finds herself sinking under the currents, sinking down and down and down.  
  
Hyatt: *gurgles* Oh my.  
  
Her evil, eccentric senior, Excel Excel and her new senior, Chibi-Cel, scuba through the depths of the overflown streets of F.  
  
Chibi-Cel: Cel-chan is very much enjoying this scene of utter liquidly, fluidly chaos, with all the screaming and dying and all, but she really needs to remember what manga to get her daddy!  
  
Excel: Perhaps if we call Lord Ilpalazzo he can give us some clues! *Wristwatch suddenly appears on her wrist, she presses a button to open it* Watchy, watchy on my wristy, who is the Excelest of them all?!  
  
An image of Ilpalazzo reading a magazine - sitting on the can - appears. Excel and Chibi-Cel salute. Ilpalazzo glares, putting down his magazine.  
  
Ilpalazzo: Excel, how many times have you told you not to disturb me from 3 - 4pm?! If you were here you'd be falling to your doom as we speak.  
  
Excel: Excel is sorry Lord Ilpalazzo! But your future, and very bratty daughter needs your assistance!  
  
Ilpalazzo: Oh, that's different then. How can Daddy help his cute, beloved little daughter? And why are you in the ocean?  
  
Cel-chan: Hail Daddy! Cel-chan and the old scrag, Excel, are caught in a flood in downtown F. Anyway, Daddy, Cel-chan has forgotten what manga her future Daddy has ordered Cel-chan to get and would like to know if you have any ideas?  
  
Ilpalazzo: Oh, I see. Well let me think about this - I'm very fond of sailor suits on girls, I find talking cats cute, my favourite flower is the rose, I very much enjoy flying around in a tuxedo and I have dreams of world domination, and possibly the moon. That help?  
  
Cel-chan: Not at all, but thanks anyway Daddy!  
  
Excel: Ilpalazzo, your loyal servant Excel would like to say you look very sexy, even in your embarrassing, disgusting situation!  
  
Ilpalazzo: Yes.thank-you Excel. Now get back to work!  
  
The screen goes blank, Excel and Chibi-Cel sigh their disappointment. As they sigh their tummies grumble.  
  
Chibi-Cel: Cel-chan is very hungry; it is Excel's job to get her something to eat!  
  
Excel: Excel will only take orders from her Lord Ilpalazzo!  
  
Chibi-Cel: Daddy has ordered Excel to take orders from Cel-chan - AND IF EXCEL DOESN'T FOLLOW HER ORDERS SHE WILL TELL HER DADDY!  
  
Excel: *Scrunches up her nose and pouts* Oh fine then! We'll eat that mysterious, blue, hairy fish being sucked into the suer drain! *Points at an over-sized plug hole*  
  
Chibi-Cel: Good work Agent Excel! Kill the fish! Kill it! Kill it! Kiiiiill iiiiit!  
  
Excel and Chibi-Cel ready torpedos, tanks and nukes as they swim toward their prey. Excel grabs out a harpoon, eerily grinning, eyeing her prey. As she goes to strike, she and the funny fish are sucked into the sewer pipes, each following the current of the different pipe. Chibi-Cel however finds herself stuck in the plughole with all the ammo, ruining any chances of the city being drained of their flood situation.  
  
The funny fish zips out the end of the pipe, landing in an underwater suer stream. She floats along, limp, her journey ending with her head banging into some canisters. The bump causes her head to turn around, and body to turn up. The fish is in fact Hyatt! Aren't we all surprised?  
  
Hyatt, who happens to once again be dead, bobs in the water near the canisters, that was until.  
  
Iwata: Hi ho! Hi ho! It's back from looking for a way out we go! *Whistles* With a hi, hi ho!  
  
Matsuya: *Pushes Iwata into the sewage stream* This isn't any time for your stupidity, we have to find a way out of the city and do something about this flood.  
  
Kabapu: It's so wonderful to see my civil servants in such high spirits!  
  
Sumiyoshi: You didn't seem so happy when we found those canisters of dumped nuclear waste.   
  
Kabapu: *Moustache twitches*  
  
Pedro: Pedro would like to know why you six people are also in the sewer system.  
  
Excel Kobayashi: Isn't it obvious? Mikako Hyatt and I were here to meet and greet out adoring underground fan base!  
  
Mikako Hyatt: The public - even underground public - can't get enough the incredibly cute, talented, and perky, Excel Girls!  
  
Kabapu: My team of loyal civil servants and I were in the sewers looking for a way to effectively drain the city of all water. The other member of my team, Toru Watanabe however could not be reached, and therefore will be paid today without doing any actual work.  
  
Sumiyoshi: Lucky bastard.   
  
Matsuya: And why are you down here, Mr. Pedro? This cameo is not like you.  
  
Pedro: It was Mr. Nabeshin's will that Pedro be a dwarf too.  
  
Matsuya: Huh?  
  
Iwata: *Points his arm out, still drifting along in the stream* Hey look, I see someone near the canisters! Aaaah! It's a dead body! *He scrambles to get out of the stream, but Matsuya steps on his hand. He continues to float against his will, knocking into Hyatt* Get It off a-me! Help! Help!  
  
Kabapu: Norikuni Iwata, it is your sworn duty to not flinch from the dire need of F's citizens - even dead ones.  
  
Iwata: OK then, you help this dead citizen!  
  
Kabapu: Nonsense, it may damage my suit.  
  
Misaki Matsuya kneels down, reaching out. She ignores Iwata and lifts out the dead body, brushing away her hair to reveal her pale face.  
  
Matsuya: It appears to be Miss Ayasugi, Watanabe's girlfriend.  
  
Sumiyoshi kneels, slapping Iwata five.  
  
Iwata: Looks like no wife for Watanabe! No rise in rent, yes!  
  
Sumiyoshi: We realize we're insensitive, but the rent's dearer than it appears.   
  
Mikako Hyatt: Hey, maybe if you gave her mouth-to-mouth, that'd revive her!  
  
Excel Kobayashi: Yeah, I saw that on Old Man Ilpalazzo's X-rated cable!  
  
Iwata: Mouth-to-mouth.*Fantasizes Matsuya and Hyatt in a passionate kiss. His nose dribbles blood*  
  
Sumiyoshi: He's such a simple guy.   
  
Matsuya nods, agreeing to the idea. She lays Hyatt on the concrete, wiping her lips. Drawing in a deep breath, she lowers herself to Hyatt, covering her mouth with her own. Iwata watches in lustful suspense, lucky to be in cool sewage. Matsuya continues to breath air into Hyatt.  
  
Matsuya: It doesn't seem to be working; in fact she looks paler than before.  
  
Hyatt: Oh my, where am I? *Cough, cough*  
  
Matsuya jumps up startled by the sudden awakening of Miss Ayasugi. Defeated, Iwata and Sumiyoshi sigh.  
  
Hyatt: *Sits upright, smiling* How nice it is to see you all, and in such high spirits.  
  
Pedro: It is nice to see Sleeping Beauty awaken!  
  
Wrong fairy tale Pedro.  
  
Pedro: Pedro is sorry Mr. Nabeshin! Miss Hyatt, you are in the underground sewers of F. Above ground has been flooded, and we are looking for a way out.  
  
Hyatt: How interesting. And I see also that the always-irritating Excel Girls are also with your party.  
  
Mikako Hyatt: How can she say something so cruel so calmly?!  
  
Excel Kobayashi: She's so mean and creepy!  
  
Hyatt coughs some more, and falls back hard. She dazily moans, eyes rolling back.  
  
Kabapu: While we hate to leave a dying woman, Miss Ayasugi, the seven of us really have to find a way out of the sewer, so we'll leave you for now and be back in about twenty minutes - unless we find a way out then we may never see you again. OK troops, let's get a move on!  
  
Matsuya: Wouldn't it be wise to leave one person behind to take care of her?  
  
Kabapu: No! All seven must go! It is the will of the director.  
  
Yeah, babe, will of the director. Now move your cute ass outta the scene like a good little woman.  
  
Matsuya: Do you want to be charged with sexual discrimination again - Mr. Director?  
  
So, the four males, two idol female singers and one very much equal and superior female, leave the dying Miss Hyatt to shrivel into a ball of shaking white mass.  
  
Meanwhile, the evil senior, Excel, was snorkelling her way through the pipes of underground F.  
  
Excel: Boy, those endangered Mutants sure were tasty, however Excel still needs to track down that weird fish for that bitchy midget. Hey, what's that smell? Could it be bright red fresh strawberries on a cool summer's day? A day with a big blue sky, fluffy white clouds and ducks being hunted by the hundreds with all the pow, pows and quack, quack, and splat and ah, look what I bagged Jimmy-boy?!  
  
Excel flies from the pipe, landing in a stream of sewage.  
  
Excel: Excel was wrong, excel was very wrong. Excel will just float along this stream of sewage and see what she finds.  
  
Indeed she does, that is until she spies blue hair. Blue hair that happens to resemble that of the mysterious fish! Excel leaps from the sewage, raising a fist to the air over and over.  
  
Excel: Excel is happy! Wah! Wah! This is truly a gift from Lord Ilpalazzo! Now, how to capture this wily varmint.Excel knows! She will bait a poison trap and kill the fish! Yes she will!  
  
Excel props a hand into the sewage, seeing what she can find.  
  
Excel: Horses head? Earmuffs? Time magazine? Menchi plushie? Condom? Baseball bat covered in blood? Sim CD? Computer? Diamond necklace? Cheetoh packet? Asthma medication? Adam Sandler script? Poison apple? Oooh! Excel is victorious! Yes, she will use this apple to KILL the freaky hairy fish that looks a bit like Hyatt!  
  
Excel gets in close to the fish, and lightly rolls the apple in its direction, stopping by the head of the fish. It wakes up, sniffing it, without hesitation, the fish can be heard biting into the apple, choking on a piece of it, shaking around, then dropping dead.  
  
Excel: Excel has won! Now she will leave her kill and return to the stuck- up bitchy midget who claims to be the daughter of her beloved, sexy, Lord Ilpalazzo!  
  
Just as Excel leaves, the band of seven dwarfs finds an exit to the sewers.  
  
Iwata: Oh look, it's a door, we're saved!  
  
Matsuya: *Twists the knob* And it's not locked.  
  
Kabapu: *Rearranges his glasses* Well done!  
  
Sumiyoshi: Shouldn't you have known about this?   
  
Kabapu: Well, I.er.Well don't fuss, Miss Matsuya, open the door!  
  
Matsuya opens the door; behind the door they see Watanabe and Chibi-Hyatt, who were about to enter the door. The two parties stare at each other in confusion.  
  
Watanabe: Why are you guys under here?  
  
Iwata: Our job - unlike some people.  
  
Watanabe: I'm looking for Miss Ayasugi. The sewer division advised me to look underground, what with the flood and all. Have you seen her by any chance?  
  
Pedro: *Eyes stream with tears* You may be too late!  
  
Watanabe: What.?!  
  
Chibi-Hyatt: Oh.*Falls to the ground in a seizure*  
  
Moments later, Watanabe is reunited with Miss Ayasugi, who lies dead by the sewage stream. Fighting back tears, Watanabe kneels beside her, holding her close to his racing heart.  
  
Watanabe: Miss.Ayasugi.I.you can't leave yet, you can't! Your life cannot end like this. I.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt: *Sniffles, wiping her snot on Kabapu's pants*  
  
Kabapu: Child! I bought this suit only today!  
  
Watanabe: Miss Ayasugi.I was going to ask you to.to marry me.but now.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt: *Wipes away tears and leans into Watanabe, whispering into his ear* A kiss.like in stories.  
  
Watanabe: *Smiles through his tears at the innocence of the little girl. Closing his eyes, Watanabe brings his lips to Hyatt's, giving her a passionate farewell kiss* Farewell.Miss Ayasugi. *He rests his head under her's as he holds her tight*  
  
Hyatt: Where are you going Mr. Watanabe? *Coughs out the poisoned apple piece* Were you not wanting an answer?  
  
Everyone: GASP!  
  
And so ends the tale of Snow White and the seven Dwarfs.  
  
Will-Chan: *Wipes tears away with a handkerchief* That was so moving, Mr. Director!  
  
It's a gift, what can I say? So, what parody shall we do next kids?  
  
Author-Chan: How about the next instalment we just go for normal, eh?  
  
But that'd be so boring! The readers at home deserve better than that!  
  
Author-Chan: Fine then, we'll include random acts of unforeseen stupidity.  
  
But that's what we've been doing all along!  
  
Author-Chan: Exactly. 


	8. Random

## As the Great Will of the Macrocosm, I dub this instalment, a Random Acts fan fiction! ##  
  
Chibi-Cel stuck in the sewer hole, struggles to free herself, crushed in with the ammo she and Excel had gathered to attack the tasty, weird fishy.  
  
"Cel-chan is gonna.uuuh.is gonna.oooh.beat the snot out of that witchity witch hag, Excel! Death to Excel and her lone stupid fang!" Chibi-Cel continues to struggle, that was until a rocket exploded below her (no not that type - we think). Chibi-Cel zooms into the cosmos, peering down to see herself on the shoulders of a rocket Excel.  
  
"Excel hag?"  
  
"That's Excel Excel the rocket Excel! Watch her zoom and expel dangerous greenhouses gases!"  
  
Rocket Excel and Chibi-Cel crash into the moon, to be met with Puchuu aliens. Rocket Excel grins, "Oh, they're so cute! But my fire's cuter!" She turns her rocket fire on them, laughing insanely as they burn alive.  
  
"Ah, why you burn us?!" The ugly Puchuus all scream.  
  
Excel transforms back into her usual self, turning her attention to Chibi- Cel, "Excel was able to kill the fish!"  
  
Chibi-Cel yawns, "Cel-chan isn't hungry anymore, let's get back to earth and track down that mint manga for her hunky Daddy."  
  
~@@@~  
  
The city of F has been drained of the sudden flood. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and mean little boys in their backyards are torturing lizards. Kabapu and his team of courageous team of civil servants stand atop a hill, looking over the city of F in all its glory.  
  
"Men - and Matsuya, you've done well, I am so very proud of your efforts!"  
  
Iwata salutes, "No problem sir! All in the name of the bright future of this city! Right, Misaki Matsuya?" He reaches an arm around her.  
  
Matsuya twists him arm, "Don't call me by my full name."  
  
Hyatt turns away from the group, going back to look for her senior. She then remembers something, and twists back, "Oh yes, Mr. Watanabe."  
  
Watanabe flushes, "Yes, Miss Ayasugi?"  
  
"You had asked me something earlier and it appears I forgot to answer," she kindly smiles, "It is yes, however I will be busy aiding Lord Ilpalazzo and working with Senior Excel for some time, and have errands to run tomorrow. So we will have to wed tonight. Bye-bye."  
  
Hyatt walks away, leaving Watanabe to process the information. Chibi-Hyatt lightly smiles, blushing. She suddenly sees a cow jump over the sun. "Oh.my."  
  
A woman with short blue hair approaches them saluting.  
  
Iwata slowly turns his head, jaw shaking, "Roppon.Roppon.Faint!" Iwata promptly faints.  
  
It.begins.   
  
~@@@~  
  
The sleeping puppy, Chi, awakens in an ally, she yawns and looks around, her master nowhere in sight. "Where is Cel-Chan?" She softly barks to herself, readying to cry.  
  
"Are you OK?" Softy barks a young female dog.  
  
Chi looks up, to see the same eyes of her mother. "Ah."  
  
"My name is Menchi, I see you were washed away in the flood too. Please - don't tell anyone I'm here!" Menchi is in her face, eyes blazing red.  
  
"Yes, ok!" Chi yelps, jumping back into trashcans, garbage bags tumbling, knocking her out.  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
Hyatt walks by a bridal shop, leaning on the glass display window in a daze. From what she can tell, even if it is a severe close up, the dress before her is a very pretty one. Blood trickles down her chin from her mouth.  
  
A loud explosion. Debris everywhere. Hyatt's back and hair is covered in pure white cinder. She turns her head to the side to see a giant purple bear punching in city blocks. "How cutely dangerous," she says aloud.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Menchi licks the pup's cheek. Chi awakens, head spinning.  
  
"I'm so sorry," apologizes Menchi, "I didn't mean to startle you. I'm just a little worried about being caught by the evil demon terrorist, Excel. She plans to eat me!"  
  
"Eat.you.?" Chi's eyes water, she turns away, lowering her head.  
  
"What.what is it, little pup?" Asks Menchi, concerned.  
  
Chi closes her eyes, "I'm sorry, it just reminds me of when Mama and I lost Daddy."  
  
~@@@~  
  
The bear roars as it beats its chest. Planes fly overhead, shooting at it. The bear just growls, and beats them to the ground with a large mallet from its anus. Out of nowhere, a young girl with spiky pink and purple hair appears, soaring through the air toward Mr. Bear. She stops in front of him and says something Hyatt can't hear, however she can make out which finger she is pointing at the bear.  
  
Hyatt watches as the girl, who she is sure is Miss Ropponmatsu Two, battles the almighty bear. They kick and punch each other through the blue sky. Missiles, nuclear weapons and other assorted dangerous stuff, are hurled at the other. After much battle, the two puff and pant in their corners. As a last ditch effort, Mr. Bear runs from Ropponmatsu Two, reaching down, taking Hyatt hostage. He growls wickedly.  
  
"This is all happening very quickly," ponders Hyatt, "And how are you and your sister, Miss Ropponmatsu Two?"  
  
Ropponmatsu Two bears her fists in the heat of combat, "I will destroy you Kumako!" She perks up and waves to Hyatt, "Big sis Hyatt! Oh, we're just great! And how are you?!"  
  
"My insides are being crushed by this giant purple bear and I am losing consciousness," she replies, "And I am also now engaged."  
  
"Wow, that's so neat!" Giggles Ropponmatsu Two. She changes back to battle mode, and goes in for the kill to the bear.  
  
~@@@~  
  
"It was a frosty Monday morning, Daddy, Mummy and I were playing Frisbee in the park. I tossed the Frisbee too hard. It landed in the middle of the road." Chi gulps, "Daddy said he'd get it for me. But - but - but as he trotted onto the road to fetch it.a.big truck ran him over!" Chi falls into a fit of hysterical weeping.  
  
Menchi gasps, wrapping her head around the pup's. "I'm so sorry for your family, little one!"  
  
Chi bites down her jaw, turning her gaze into Menchi's. "But it doesn't end there! You see, it just so happens Cel-Chan's MOTHER was in the park, hunting for meat for Cel-chan's evil, gonna-take-over-the-world-as-soon-as- I-conquer-F overlord father!"  
  
Menchi blinks.  
  
"Well, she.she.saw dead Daddy under the tire of the big truck, and she ripped his torn flesh and stashed him into a plastic bag! I can still smell his warm blood.DADDY!"  
  
Menchi screams, falling off her feet.  
  
Chi wails, "I helplessly watched her bake him, cutting out the fat as her husband is picky about that! And.that.that overlord ate him with expensive red whine and an assortment of delicious side dishes!"  
  
The two sob into each other. The world just isn't fair for puppy dogs. And I hear they don't actually go to heaven either.  
  
~@@@~  
  
A giant ostrich appears, flying through the air, spitting lazer beams all over the city, ripping up streets. The citizens of F run about in a panic. To the rescue is Ropponmatsu One, her hands replaced by small cannons; she fires at the bird - which frankly isn't supposed to be able to fly! "Die, Mega-Pinkie!"  
  
Hyatt chokes up blood from the grip. Lazily she looks down at F. Vision foggy; she is able to make out a lot of bright lights from a large building. "Oh.that new casino. My, how pretty."  
  
As the two Ropponmatsus do battle, an army of little green men battle an army of living vegetables; a doll's spirit spins around the city like a spinning top; two hyenas do the tango and CDs finally sign a peace declaration with vinyl.  
  
It all ends a large KABOOM! In pieces, the giant purple mechanical bear causes craters all over the city of F. Hyatt, still in the clutches of the claw, crashes into the bridal shop she had passed. Hyatt wriggles like a worm from the grip, sliding onto the floor in a bloody mess, stopping in front of the dress she thought was pretty.  
  
"This will.do.well." 


	9. Vegas

## That was so sad! Poor little chi! Let's return to more wholesome fiction, a more fun story that's sure to bring a smile and chuckle to the readers. Let's do a Vegas fic, woo baby! ##  
  
Chi and Menchi walk down the street, enjoying the warmth of the burning new sunset.  
  
"Tell me." begins Menchi, a little flustered, "What was your dad like?"  
  
Chi smiles, lowering her head, "Very kind and loyal. In fact he was a police dog, and decorated by the city many times. Everyone loved him. It was a sad day when he died."  
  
"Police dog?" Menchi considers this. "What.what breed was he?"  
  
"Oh, a German Shepherd." She replies.  
  
Menchi considers the size of one compared to her small body and passes out, falling into a pothole. Chi peers into the pothole. "She reminds me of Chibi-Hyatt, hmm.I wonder where she and that freak Cel are."  
  
~@@@~  
  
"I have so many things to do!" Shrieks Watanabe, running around the office, "Invitations, venue, caterers, security, music, attire.!"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt quietly watches him run around, eyes spinning. She falls to her knees wheezing. The others sit at their desks finishing their paper work from the flood, cursing Watanabe for not having given any to do.  
  
"God I hate him," grumbles Iwata, "And to think, just now he's actually getting paid for acting like an idiot!"  
  
Fate is truly cruel. Says Sumiyoshi with a sigh.  
  
A knock at the door. Matsuya opens it, allowing a Puchuu carrying a mailbag enter. It hands a red envelope to each of them.  
  
Matsuya sniffs her's suspiciously and gasps, "This smells of blood!"  
  
"Hey, these are white envelopes stained with blood," complains Iwata, "We haven't got time for stalkers, just look at this paper work we have already."  
  
Watanabe opens his and reads, "You are cordially invited to the matrimony of Toru Watanabe and Hyatt Ayasugi. The ceremony and reception will be held at F'Ing Casino, to begin at 8:00pm. Have a Puchuu day." Watanabe punches the air joyously. "My wonderful sweetheart thinks of everything!"  
  
Having accidentally punched the Puchuu in the process, it sticks to the ceiling, growling in ugly mode, "Ah, why you attack messenger boy?!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
Ilpalazzo reads over his invitation. "Hyatt is an inspiring employee of ACROSS, going to such a great length to create valuable new members. Unlike her senior.Oh, that reminds me.Excel!"  
  
Moments pass, a cow lands in front of him, followed by Chibi-Cel. Ilpalazzo stares at it as it moos. "Why is there a cow in my presence?"  
  
"Hail Daddy!" Yells Chibi-Cel, saluting.  
  
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Comes a muffling inside the cow.  
  
Chibi-Cel kicks the side of the cow. It moos and snorts. "In an attempt to discover what manga Daddy would like, Cel-Chan and her scraggy subordinate Excel went to the ends of the earth to research! Our travels took us everywhere her frequent flyers miles would allow! Which turned out to only be Beijing! There we infiltrated a small farm where Excel was eaten by a cow! A cow eating a cow - Cel-chan calls cannibalism on that one!"  
  
Excel pushes her head out of the cow's mouth. "Excel was stuffed in here, Lord Ilpalazzo! The midget bitch is lying!"  
  
"Enough of that, Excel," orders Ilpalazzo, holding up the blood-stained invitation, "We have all been invited to Agent Hyatt's wedding. It will be the perfect opportunity to take control of the city of F."  
  
"Why is that, Lord Ilpalazzo?" Blinks Excel, struggling to get free.  
  
"Because - it will be held in a casino," he replies, "Where the masses congregate in an orgy of debauchery, abuse, pain and greed. It is the centre point of corruption!"  
  
Chibi-Cel claps, "Yay, Lord Daddy! You're so smart!"  
  
Excel raises her fist triumphantly, finding herself sucked down the cow's mouth. "Oh no! Excel is now being sucked into the depth of this here moo cow where she will be attacked with bodily acids, and chewed by the stomach and then passed out the other end!"  
  
"That's the plan," wickedly grins Chibi-Cel.  
  
~@@@~  
  
"F'Ing Casino, where you can say sayonara to all your hard earned cash and hello to bankruptcy," admires the owner, Don Pepperoni, nursing his cigar. He looks over the monitors, enjoying the frantic misery of losers being dragged from the venue, and men retreating to the toilets to blow their brains out. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you boys," he adds, peering back at the group of little cute aliens.  
  
"Puchuu!" They reply.  
  
"Oh look, some more idiots," says the fat Don, taking a puff of his cigar, "Too formal for normal patrons, too cheap for high rollers, must be here for that wedding."  
  
~@@@~  
  
"Now we are here!" Energetically announces Iwata.  
  
Gonna blow all your cash before the ceremony?   
  
Iwata twists his head all ways, trying to get a look at all the machines and games in sight. "No way! A classy guy like me knows how to work these puppies to get himself some moolah!"  
  
Style right there.   
  
Iwata puts an arm around Matsuya's waste. "With my lucky charm, Misaki Matsuya, there is no way I can lose!"  
  
Matsuya pulls back his middle finger, snapping it broken. He falls back, wallowing in pain. Matsuya leaves them.  
  
"We have an hour." says Watanabe, shaking as he peers at his watch, "I'm not supposed to see the bride before the wedding, so I guess we can kill time by doing some light gambling.Hey, where did you guys go?!"  
  
"I bet it all on red 25!" Declares Iwata, "I have a hunch!"  
  
The ivory roulette ball spins around. "Double zero. All bets lose." Everyone grumbles, walking away. Iwata becomes a pillar of salt, blowing away in the breeze.  
  
Watanabe rolls his eyes, "Jeez, I didn't see that one, coming."  
  
Sumiyoshi resides himself to the poker table. I always knew my face would come in handy some day.   
  
~@@@~  
  
Excel and Chibi-Cel crawl through the vents of the casino.  
  
"Excel enjoys the cow more, this inclosed space is very sterile and lacks any character," she says, crawling along cold steel, "The cow was also more warm!"  
  
Chibi-Cel looks back at Excel, "Excel hag is such a complainer! We are ordered to take down the heads of the casino before Agent Hyatt's wedding, all in the name of Daddy his secret ideological organization of ACROSS!"  
  
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Yells Excel, bagging her head against the vent as she rises. "Wow, you sounded just like my gorgeously droolicious Lord Ilpalazzo just then! Hail Ilapala - " Excel and Chibi-Cel fall out of the end of the vent, to be met with several large men in suits, armed with machine guns.  
  
A fat old man smoking a cigar appears in front of them, he looks them up and down. "And how can we help young ladies such as you?"  
  
Excel scratches her head. "Could you shut down your casino, if it isn't too much of a hassle, Mr. Fat guy who'll probably grow cancer because of his cigar smoking habit."  
  
The Don chortles, blowing smoke in Excel face. "Such a cute kid, if it weren't for all the bullet holes you'd make a hot corpse."  
  
"Bullet what now?!"  
  
The men open fire on Excel and Chibi-Cel. They bob around, blasted by the bullets, falling to the ground, soaked in a pool of their own blood.  
  
"Bye-bye baby," Don Pepperoni says, "And now to get back to my racketeering operations.oh look boys, another loser at the poker table.hmm.he seems a little too calm."  
  
~@@@~  
  
I want to jump off a short pier. I am in financial ruin!   
  
~@@@~  
  
"Stop right there, Don Pepperoni!" Orders a woman, bursting through the door of the control room.  
  
"Crap, it's the fed!"  
  
The woman clicks her gun, holding it out at the Don, "No, Misaki Matsuya, civil servant! Your F'Ing Casino has been confiscated by the city, the terror ends here."  
  
Don Pepperoni notices his alien associates have disappeared. "Ah forget it!" He presses his left cufflink and smirks. "Hah! I have now activated a bomb! In one minute exactly we're going to F'Ing Hell!"  
  
Matsuya gasps.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt dizzily wanders into the room carrying a blue box. "Fun.puzzle." She faints. Matsuya takes it from her little hands, examining it.  
  
"It appears this child sabotaged your bomb," she tells him, "Nice try."  
  
"Double crap."  
  
Police flow into the room, arresting the Don and his men.  
  
"Triple crap. Double zero, all bets lose," he sighs.  
  
"Good work, Miss Matsuya," congratulates Kabapu, "Oh look, it appears we can also get him on murder! Men, someone clean up that blood.it's distracting."  
  
~@@@~  
  
Ilpalazzo sits at the slot machines, his coin cup nearly empty. "Apple.apple.peach?!" He growls, realizing it was his last coin. "I'll show you." He takes his handgun; a step back and casually shoots the machine. Coins instantly gush from the slot machine. "Better."  
  
## Remember kids, gambling is evil! As the Great Will of the Macrocosm, I draw the powers of the nine planets to grant this tale a marriage fiction parody! Here comes the bride.all dressed in white.I couldn't get a date Mr. P, so I'll accept Sandora's invite!## 


	10. Wedding

Crawling along the ventilation for purposes she couldn't recall, Hyatt plummets into a pool of blood - blood that wasn't her own for a change. She notices two bodies, and pokes at them. After a delay, two startled girls jump out of the blood. Hyatt smiles widely, "Senior Excel, how wonderful it is to see you."  
  
Excel tears away at her clothing, ripping out several fish. "Good thing Excel always carries around a bullet-proof snack!"  
  
Chibi-Cel pulls out a dead child from her shirt. "Yeah, Cel-chan too!"  
  
Hyatt clumsily rises to her feet, her new wedding gown stained in fish and young blood, "It was nice of you to come to my wedding, Senior, and you too.little Senior Excel?"  
  
Chibi-Cel and Excel stare at each other dangerously. Hyatt kindly smiles, enjoying the glow of their fiery spark; she grabs out a marshmallow, toasting a quick snack.  
  
"I am not a small version of that haggy troll Excel," declares Chibi-Cel, "I happen to be the future daughter of Lord Ilpalazzo - making me the senior of the both of you! Understand?"  
  
"My, you are much like Lord Ilpal -" Hyatt faints in mid-sentence. Excel shrugs and drags her from the room as Chibi-Cel pokes Excel in the ass with a fish.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Watanabe scratches his head, "Now.where was the wedding actually taking place?"  
  
"He is such an idiot," Iwata loudly whispers to Sumiyoshi.  
  
You'd think he'd find out as soon as we arrive.   
  
Watanabe growls at them, "You two bankrupt jerks have no right to pick on me. Go jump off a short pier!"  
  
The closest is 2 km away.   
  
"We don't have money for a taxi," gloomily adds Iwata.  
  
Watanabe huffs, leaving his two financially screwed roommates to melt in the glow of other patrons winning.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Two shadows loom in the darkness.  
  
"Have you secured the bomb?" Quietly inquires the taller female.  
  
The small one giggles, "You betcha big sis Ropponmatsu!"  
  
Lights burst on around them, the hall brilliantly lights up. The two Ropponmatsus blink.  
  
"Hmm.that cut short our dramatic entrance," pouts Ropponmatsu.  
  
Kabapu places a hand on their shoulders, "Wonderful to see you two come to help us to prepare! Time is drawing nearer to the magical moment, oh it's so thrilling!"  
  
"Yes, it is," agrees Ropponmatsu One.  
  
"Two souls will come together to form a divine union."  
  
"One will be ripped to shreds by an explosive, his blood will splatter the ceiling and appendages not be identifiable."  
  
Kabapu's eyes water, "Your words are so romantic Ropponmatsu One! Well then, carry on girls. Why look, it's the groom now!"  
  
Watanabe runs into the hall, frantically looking around, "Is this the place?!"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt meekly stares at all the busy workers, and admires the silken white cloth draping from the ceiling. The beauty goes straight to her cheeks, over flushing, her nose bleeds; she falls to her knees and passes out.  
  
Watanabe scoops her up and shakes his head, "Don't your parents ever do anything about your anaemia?"  
  
Promptly, Puchuu M farts a small packet onto his head. He gags and coughs. "That was disgusting!" He takes a seat, examining the packet. He assumes it to be her medication, and slips one into her mouth. Puchuu M farts water into her mouth. Watanabe blacks out at the sight and smell.  
  
~@@@~  
  
"So, where's the holy ceremony of matrimony; white; drunken bridesmaids; and bird killin' rice gonna be held?" Asks Excel as she carries Hyatt through the casino.  
  
Hyatt fades in and out of consciousness. "I do.believe.it will be.held in the.main.hall."  
  
"That's not far from here!" Chimes Chibi-Cel.  
  
Excel looks back at her quizzically, "How does Cel-chan know such a place well?"  
  
"Daddy - Hail Daddy! - Says it is the perfect place for his Cel-chan to witness primal sin at its peak so I may use it against their will at a later date, possibly three Saturdays from now!" Replies Chibi-Cel, sling- shotting mini-missiles at random people. "Plus, Daddy really likes their buffet!"  
  
"How far from here, brattacular bitch?"  
  
Chibi-Cel aims a missile at Excel's ass, "Just around that corner and we'll be there."  
  
As Excel takes that turn around the corner, she bumps into a small girl. "Oh man, not another f***ing midget again!" Excel peers down, "Oh wait, it's only that runt who died for me but didn't really die - GET THE HELL OUT OF EXCEL'S WAY YOU USELESS RUUUUUNT!"  
  
Ropponmatsu Two's headgear opens and close as she pouts, "Big sister's so mean! At least say my name."  
  
Excel side kicks her in the head, "Ah, I'm gonna kick you!"  
  
"Big sister, don't do it before you say it!" She jumps to her feet, bunching up her fists. "Ropponmatsu will have to stop her big sister and Miss Hyatt from entering the hall."  
  
"Why such a plot development from such a meaningless marketing ploy such as you??" Screeches Excel.  
  
Ropponmatsu Two's knees open, "For the sake of Ropponmatsu's love for Miss Hyatt, I cannot let you come in and ruin her plans for murdering the man who stands in the way of her happiness!"  
  
Excel tosses Hyatt to Chibi-Cel, taking a moment to consider, "Man.man.um.whom're we talking about?"  
  
"The cranky long haired neighbour, Big sister!" Yells Ropponmatsu, letting off a missile.  
  
Chibi-Cel opens her mouth, eating it. Her insides explode. She coughs, spewing out her insides.  
  
Hyatt awakens, "Watan..abe."  
  
"Oh, that was his name!" Beams Excel, "Now Excel must kill the worthless runt!"  
  
"My name isn't runt!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
"Come this way, Mr. Watanabe," directs Ropponmatsu One.  
  
Watanabe follows her to a small, dark room. "Is this where I get briefed about the ceremony?" He hears the door lock.  
  
"No, this is where you lose your life," explains Ropponmatsu One.  
  
"Oh, in that case." Watanabe bangs on the door, "HELP ME! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME! GUYS!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
Iwata and Sumiyoshi casually listen to his pleas.  
  
Cold feet already.   
  
"He should learn to be more of a man - like us."  
  
Darn straight.   
  
~@@@~  
  
Watanabe dodges her attacks, scooting around the room. She lunges for another stab of her dagger; he rolls out of the way and butts his head into a table. "Damn it all!" She lunges again; he moves to the side and throws a chair at her. She hits it away. "Aw, crap! I'm done for!"  
  
Ropponmatsu goes for him again, when a great burst of light fills the small room. It's Chibi-Hyatt, extending a white box filled with cupcakes. Quietly, she walks to Ropponmatsu One, offering her a cake. Ropponmatsu One's eyes water a little; she takes one and lightly nibbles it. "You.look like a miniature version of Miss Hyatt."  
  
Chibi-Hyatt blushes. When Ropponmatsu One isn't looking, she bends to the side and winks at Watanabe. He blinks. The robotic woman's limbs begin to shake. She drops the box. Chibi-Hyatt beckons to Watanabe. The two exit the room, locking it behind them. Within the room is a deafening kaboom.  
  
"Chibi-Hyatt.?"  
  
"I.am happy.she liked Hat-chan's.cakes," is her timid reply.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Ten Minutes Pass.  
  
Watanabe stands at the alter, peering at his watch, "Where is she?" Gasp. "You don't think she's changed her mind, do you?!"  
  
Lord Ilpalazzo stands by the hall's door, arms folded, "Agent Hyatt had better show, I am missing my evening sitcoms for this."  
  
The doors burst wide open; Hyatt falls into Ilpalazzo's arms. She looks up at him, eyes half closed. "Lord.Ilpalazzo."  
  
"Well it's about time."  
  
The wedding music cranks up. Excel leaps in front of Hyatt, carrying a mangled version of Ropponmatsu Two in her hands as flowers. Menchi and Chi run onto the scene, finding them trapped, with no other escape but to walk down the aisle. Chibi-Cel spies Chibi-Hyatt, waving to her. Chibi-Cel appoints herself flower girl, kicking Excel out of the way. She saunters down the aisle, throwing pints of innocent blood, rather than opting for flower petals. They all end up at the end, punched out of sight by a large fist.  
  
Hyatt froths at the mouth; Ilpalazzo wipes it away with his handkerchief. "Now is that any way of an agent of ACROSS to present herself on her wedding day?"  
  
"No, Lord Ilpalazzo."  
  
He links their arms and they begin to walk down the aisle. Hyatt faints. Ilpalazzo drags her the rest of the way.  
  
"She's so beautiful." Watanabe sighs lovingly.  
  
Iwata cocks an eyebrow; "She looks dead, though I don't blame her."  
  
Ilpalazzo pushes Hyatt onto Watanabe. "Here, I am giving Agent Hyatt to you, if you have any problems, I am afraid we do not do exchanges or refunds. Long live ACROSS." He takes a seat next to a sobbing Puchuu.  
  
The Priest reads chapters from his bible and says a lot of really boring stuff most normal people zone out of at a wedding, so let us get to the bits we actually care about.  
  
"Do you Toru Watanabe, take Hyatt Aiasugi to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as both shall live?"  
  
Watanabe blissfully blushes, "I do!"  
  
And do, Hyatt Aiasugi take Toru Watanabe to be your lawfully wedded husband as you both shall live?"  
  
"I."  
  
"Wait." A mangled robotic woman stumbles out of the small room. "Miss Hyatt, please don't marry this man."  
  
Chibi-Hyatt nods to Puchuu M. It floats toward Ropponmatsu One, farting out a huge ACROSS brand club that smashes her viciously to dust particles.  
  
"I." Hyatt goes to faint, Watanabe grabs her.  
  
"Are you OK, Miss Ayasugi?"  
  
She lifts her head, kindly smiling. "I.do?"  
  
"Was that a question or statement, Miss Ayasugi?" Quietly begs Watanabe.  
  
Hyatt blinks, "I am now Mrs. Watanabe, yes?"  
  
He widely smiles, giving her a passionate kiss.  
  
"We haven't got to that yet!" Growls the priest.  
  
"Is it over now?" Inquired Lord Ilpalazzo, "I want to hit the buffet after all."  
  
On the other side of the seating, Will-chan cries into her handkerchief, "Oh, I always cry at weddings!"  
  
Sandora puts an arm around her, "There, there Miss Will! When Sandora is older he will let you cry at our wedding!"  
  
"Oh, you're such a sweet boy!" Weeps Will-chan, "And sure to be so handsome when you're all grown up!"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt sweetly smiles. Chibi-Cel stands by her, "Been enjoying yourself, Hat-chan? Cel-chan can't remember what manga her daddy wants, and is very sad! She's even had to deal with a haggy bitch all this time! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!"  
  
"That is terrible, senior," sadly replies Chibi-Hyatt, "My time has been most interesting.  
  
Chibi-Cel takes her wrist, "Come on Hat-chan, let's party hearty, and conquer the celebration, for the great ACROSS!"  
  
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Salutes Chibi-Hyatt as she goes by Ilpalazzo.  
  
He cocks an interested eyebrow.  
  
[Author-chan: It's the big count down folks! In a matter of three instalments, Quack Experimental Fan Fiction Excel Saga ends! It's all so dramatic! Next instalment: Party Fic Parody will be coming your way! If you blink fast enough, you'll see it! Remember to floss after every Menchi meal and don't look both ways before crossing, you'll just cause yourself neck damage and make more money for those chiropractic money-grubbing bastards! Every rose has its sliver lining and ever cloud has a thorn! Ouch baby!] 


	11. Party

Watanabe watches as all the chairs and unwanted guests are moved out of the hall at record speed. A DJ set up, and tacky band were set in place, as well as many lights, a dance floor and all the other cool trimmings.  
  
"Wow, this is.pretty quick," he meekly says, scratching his head, "How is all this happening exactly?"  
  
Iwata holds a bowl of crisps he found on one of the many newly set up buffet tables, "I'd be more inclined to question how someone like you ended up with a girl, little lone a wife in the first place - but that's just me."  
  
Watanabe goes to bark obscenities at him, when Kabapu lays a hand on his shoulder, "My boy, we officials of the city like to take care of our faithful employees, especially those who will provide us with the civil servants of the future!"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt trickles a river of blood from her mouth as she sways near Kabapu, "Fu.ture?"  
  
~@@@~  
  
Chibi-Cel and Ilpalazzo survey the food on offer.  
  
"Interesting selection," he says, "I wonder what that purple thing is; it looks quite exotic."  
  
Chibi-Cel pokes at it with her fork, "Oh, it's just haggy hag Excel, who appears to have eaten something rotting to the core, slime infested, with an aroma of garbage, yes, the food stuffs in which people throw into their trash cans which are located in their homes, offices, kids rooms, bath rooms and finally a big one outside, which is picked up every second Tuesday by a drunken ex-con named Mack."  
  
Ilpalazzo takes a moment, and pokes Excel, "Oh, she has food poisoning. I see. Well then, so we do not suffer the same fate we will choose our cuisine from a different table."  
  
"Yatta!" Before leaving the table, Chibi-Cel gives Excel a quick bash to the head with a large metal spoon.  
  
Excel's eyes swirl around and around, "No more rare whale heart stuffed with camel dung for Excel Excel."  
  
~@@@~  
  
Hyatt slowly chokes on a chicken wing as she slumps over the bridal table. Watanabe yelps, moving to give her the hymnlike manoeuvre. She coughs out the wing. It hits a Puchuu in the back of the head, it crashes into another, and then it crashes into another. A domino effect is caused around a table of Puchuus. They all face her, faces ugly, "Ah, why you pelt us?!"  
  
"Are you feeling better?" Watanabe asks, concerned.  
  
Hyatt smiles, her face going pale, "I am feeling much better, thank-you very much, Mr. Watanabe."  
  
Watanabe rubs the back of his head, "Now that we're married, you can call me Toru.Miss.I mean, uh, Hyatt. Or." He blushes a little, looking away coyly, "Anata would be nice too."  
  
Hyatt beams a smile, "Very well then, Toru-Anata."  
  
Watanabe goes red as a tomato, jittery with excitement; he shoots off into space in a blaze of uncontained excitement, scaring the cow as she goes for gold, leaping over the moon for Team Hey Diddle, Diddle. Hyatt smiles again, fainting onto her meal.  
  
~@@@~  
  
Kabapu shoots off a pistol. The room goes silent in fear, half trembling under their tables. "I do hate to waste time, this was much quicker, you must understand. Now then, as we finish our meals, I do believe it is time for a toast, and I suggest Ilpalazzo does so, as I left mine in my other underwear."  
  
"Lord Future Daddy's gonna do a speech, yay, yay!" cheers Chibi-Cel, banging violently at the table.  
  
Ilpalazzo glares at Kabapu viciously, however, being the dignified leader of ACROSS, he rises to the occasion - as well as to his feet. "Very well, Mr. Kabapu, if you insist.It is a joyous day to see my most valued agent, Hyatt, settled down and equipped with fertile eggs which will hatch to be the future agents of the ideological organization which is ACROSS. With their help we will finally conquer the city of F, then the state, then Japan - and then.the world! You will all beg for mercy and throw yourselves at the feet of ACROSS, begging to learn how to truly be idealistic. Hail ACROSS!"  
  
Hyatt, Chibi-Hyatt, a dying Excel and Chibi-Cel rise to their feet in salute, "Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!"  
  
The room falls silent, only distance faint echoes pierce the cold, confused silence. Ilpalazzo lifts his glass expectantly, eyeing the room.  
  
I don't know why, but I was extremely moved, sniffles Sumiyoshi, taking a hearty swig of his white wine.  
  
The room all raise their glasses high in glee, drinking down their sparkling white wine.  
  
"Now it's time to party!" Triumphantly yells out Iwata, raising his fist high.  
  
The band dolefully stand there, almost lifeless, "Dude, our leader vocalist carked I screwing on some weird purple thing."  
  
"Damn it!" Growls Iwata, "We shoulda known it'd be a sucky party with Watanabe involved!"  
  
Watanabe gets him in a headlock, grinding his knuckle into Iwata's head, "How dare you be your bastard self on my wedding day! And I didn't organize any of this for your information!"  
  
"You need.a vocalist?" Comes a cool, distant voice.  
  
Excel perks up, returning to her normal health, "Could.it be?!"  
  
Ilpalazzo drops his fork and knife, suspended in shock, "Key.that pretty boy bishounen who dares to challenge my position as the stud of Excel Saga!"  
  
Chibi-Cel's eyes beat with love hearts; her tongue hangs open as she lovingly stares at Key, who is armed with his electric guitar. Excel leaps over tables, and hippos to join Key by his side to get a better look. Ilpalazzo's eyes narrow, "My fan-base will not be overtaken by that two-bit yaoi bleach-blonde asshole."  
  
In a blaze of 70s technicolour, Key comets onto the stage, plucking away at his guitar strings, rocking up the stage; everyone cheers, demanding more. Excel rubs her thighs together, "Oh how Excel wishes Mr. Key would strum Excel's cords!"  
  
Chibi-Cel taps Ilpalazzo's side, "Go up there and show this ignorant mass your awesome talent on the guitar!"  
  
"I.er." stutters Lord Ilpalazzo.  
  
Chibi-Cel jumps onto the table, waving an Ilpalazzo banner, "Attention! This is a guitar jack-off! Two men will strum their stuff in a fit of ecstasy, plucking up and down, up and down, till they peak and explode! It'll be my sexy past daddy, Lord Ilpalazzo, VS bishounen sexy hunk, Key!"  
  
Ilpalazzo's eyebrow twitches. "Very well, I accept this challenge!" Casually, he walks across the hall, thinking himself cool enough to not have to waste time with a flash entrance onto the stage. He takes an average electric guitar, and gives it a meek strum, causing an awful screech to echo through the hall.  
  
Key looks away, blowing kisses to his fans. He revs up his guitar and wildly thrusts a rockin' tune; exploding the heads off the first row. Ilpalazzo huffs, quietly strumming away Mary Had A Little Lamb from memory. As he finishes up, he proudly smiles, pleased with himself for finishing the tune. Key and everyone feel differently however, staring in confusion at Ilpalazzo.  
  
Ah, they're at a loss of words at my brilliance, Ilpalazzo victoriously thinks to himself.  
  
Hyatt vomits over the side of the table, "Lord Ilpalazzo, that was not a pleasing performance."  
  
Ilpalazzo gasps, "What?!"  
  
Excel scratches her head, "Even Excel is not impressed - Excel is sorry! She is! She can pretend she liked it, no, loved it!"  
  
Ilpalazzo looks over at Chibi-Cel who is now clothed in a Puchuu costume holding a sign saying "ILPALAZZO IS NOT CEL-CHAN'S FATHER.PUCHUU!"  
  
Defeated, Ilpalazzo quietly exits the stage, brushing past Excel who weeps cats and dogs. "Excel is loyal and still loves her Lord Ilpalazzo, honestly!" Frantic, Excel scrambles out of the hall, tripping over stray cats and dogs as she fumbles out.  
  
Key goes back to his guitar. Electrified, the band and he pump up some good vibrations to get the party goin' on!  
  
Watanabe burries his head in his arms, "Isn't anything going to be normal around here?!"  
  
Gurgling up blood, Hyatt's head bangs beside him. "There is still.our.wedding.night." Hack! Hack!  
  
Watanabe shoots to the moon again, kicking the cow away, "That's right, I get laid tonight, praise the good gods!"  
  
He's getting crossed off my Christmas card list.   
  
[Author-Chan: Wow, wasn't that fun folks! It's a good thing your favourite author acquired DVD #5 this day or goodness knows how this parody fic would have been written! Wasn't Key hot?? Even though we couldn't see him, his burning energy and ass were burnt off the page and into you steaming, sizzling.hearts! Poor heartburn coming to you in the next instalment: Lemon Fic Parody!] 


	12. Lemon Parody

~EXCEL~  
  
I scramble left, I scramble right, I jump to the ceiling and scramble it all about! Oh where is my Lord Ilpalazzo, where, where, WHERE?! I saw him just an instalment ago, and now he's disappeared!  
  
"Where art thou Lord Ilpalazzo?!" I yell at the top of my womanly lungs, causing the casino's roof to jump.  
  
"Damn, no rope," comes a familiar deep, sexy, hunky, take-me-now voice.  
  
I twist my head counter-clockwise to see my Lord Ilpalazzo swigging a large bottle of booze at the bar. Giddily, I race to his side, and give him an energetic salute. "Hail.!"  
  
"Knock it off," he commands.  
  
"Yes sir! Your Excel has noticed that you have just polished off eighteen bottles of whiskey already and - " Lord Ilpalazzo sticks a bottle of vodka into my tight, virgin mouth, I scull it down like it was soda. Whoa.Excel's head is spinning like yesterday's laundry.  
  
"If I give you more, will you shut up?" He yawns - oh he's gorgeous even when tired and drunk!  
  
Enthusiastically, I nod. My Lord Ilpalazzo kindly throws bottles at my face, I tumble to the ground, in pain, but so happy to have received gifts from my lord, I begin to drink the yummy, ruin the generations, gives cancer and massive head trauma, alcohol. Before I know I am.I am.whoa.look, it's Excel's hand. Excel is dizzy, but Excel is happy!  
  
Bump! Excel lazily looks over to her Lord Ilpalazzo has crashed beside her.  
  
"I fweel so wewaxed right now," slurs my very drunken, Lord Ilpalazzo. "Wike to pway with me?"  
  
Excel giggles; she feels such merriment she wants to sing! Sing to the hilltops, sing to the moon, and sing to the moose! "What we pway?"  
  
Lord Ilpalazzo's eyes roll back and forward, which is kinda creepy, "I cwommand, House!"  
  
"House! House! House! House!"  
  
~ILPALAZZO~  
  
My loyal, yet irritatingly energetic agent, Excel and I crawl along the floor of the casino. At least I hope it's the floor, I don't want to be making a spectacle of myself if I find I'm on the ceiling. Oh look, everyone's looking at us, yes, it's the floor, my, they must be impressed with me.  
  
"What we fwirst for House, Lord Iwpawazzo?" Giggles Excel.  
  
I scoff, such a fool. "We gwet mawwied fwirst, Excel, you idiwot."  
  
Excel sniffles, in a very cute way, oh how I wish I had a rope right now, "Oh wes! Excel should have known wat!"  
  
We crawl along the cheap, red velvet carpeting, till we come to a small white room with shiny coloured stained glass windows. "Is thiws a chapel?" I dramatically demand the feet of.somebody.  
  
A fat face peers down at me, "Yes lad, and how may I help you?"  
  
Excel head-butts his shins, "Mawwy! Mawwy!"  
  
"Ah, but I'm not permitted to make any more drunken marriages this night, I'm already passed this night's quota, maybe tomorrow.."  
  
"Gggggrrrrrr!" Excel valiantly bites at his feet.  
  
He stumbles back, falling on his fat behind. "Ok!" He puffs and pants, "Do you, whoever, take what's-her-name to be your lawfully wedded wife?"  
  
"Ok." I yawn.  
  
"And do you, what's-her-name, take, whoever, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
  
"Excel wikes pandas."  
  
"I now pronounce you man and what-ever she is." He slips a gold ring on each of our fingers, and has us scribble in a book.  
  
We crawl away, first mission of the game a success.  
  
"Now what?" Asks Excel, dizzily crawling into me.  
  
I shake my head, trying to think. "Since ACWOSS now owns dis cawino, we can mowve onto pwase twee and mwake a baby!" Oh, I sound so victorious! I love it when a plan comes together, even if it is just a child's game.  
  
~EXCEL~  
  
"Excel will bwake a baby for her Word Iwpazzozzouuu!" Excel energetically sings, latching onto her Lord Ilpalazzo as we crawl along the floor, oh look, spew, slimy!  
  
Lord Ilpalazzo drags his Excel to a dark, deserted room.  
  
"Who the hell are you?!" Shrieks a naked man. Lord Ilpalazzo draws a gun, shooting the man and his lover, the two slide out of sight into a pool of steamy, wet, sparkling red bloody and bodily fluids.  
  
Excel kicks back, shutting the door. The only lighting is dim, making the scene that much more erotic and cool! We pull ourselves onto the bed. Excel begins to jump around. Ilpalazzo pulls on Excel's hair. "Pwain! Excel is in pwain!"  
  
"I'm going to be bwe.sick." Excel hears much horrible noises from her Ilpalazzo as he chucks up over the side of the bed, as Excel cannot see him do this, she can only assume it is a very dazzling spew scene!  
  
"If Excel is gwoing to bwake a baby, she nweeds hwelp!"  
  
Lord Ilpalazzo rests beside Excel, appearing to trying to be remembering how to breathe. "I know.first we pweheat the ovwen!" His hands suddenly fall onto my stomach, ripping off Excel's shirt. Oh, he's so manly!  
  
He rests his head to Excel's tummy, "Too cowld, need to be warm." Suddenly, Lord Ilpalazzo's finger brush against Excel's soft, supple nipples. "Ah, hwere are the knobws." He rolls them around in his fingers, pulling at times, and then surfs over them with his palm, as they stand erect. Excel breaths hard, trying to keep her whimpering to herself. "Are wou warm now?"  
  
Excel nervously giggles, "She.thinks swo." Though she does believe she's actually warm somewhere else. =^^=  
  
"Hmm.I havwe to chweck the ovwen." before Excel knows it, her shorts and underwear have gone bye-bye! Lord Ilpalazzo removes his glove, slipping two fingers into Excel's.oh my! His fingers push up and down, making squishy noises. Excel holds onto an octopus for dear life. Her insides feel like a shaking cave, ready to explode. Ilpalazzo removes his fingers, slowly tasting Excel's juices. "Defwinately warm, and vewy moist. Good work oiling worself Agwent Excel."  
  
Eyes spinning, Excel gives the V sign.  
  
"Now I nweed to mix inswide."  
  
"Mix?"  
  
~IPALAZZO~  
  
I carefully lift Excel's legs up, smelling her opening. Ah, such a musky, warm aroma, sure to make a very tasty baby! Or was it bun? With my arms busy, I decide to use my tongue for premixing, lowing my head in, I begin to lick inside her, stretching my tongue to every crevice. I find myself mixing against a little numb. Excel makes an odd humming noise, wriggling all over the bed. Honestly, if she keeps that up the baby mix will spill all over the bed.  
  
I allow her legs to lower, and remove my clothes, for fear of staining since Excel insists on making such a fuss. I return to the bed, and lay beside her, fixing the oven's numbs and mixing some more with my fingers. Excel's head literally spins around. Her insides mixed, and greasy, flowing with more and more liquids, I realize we were missing a vital ingredient.  
  
I look down at my very powerful penis, which has grown harder, obviously as brilliant as I, knowing full well it is needed for the mixture. Ah, my appendages are so intelligent.  
  
"Excel, I nweed wou to gwet the cap off of something."  
  
Excel lazily peers up to me, "Ok."  
  
My head in tatters, I drag myself to a position in front of the lying down Excel. I present her with my Ilpalazzohood and tilt her head up. Immediately, her lips attach to the numb of my penis, and suckle lightly. I tingle at my sides, demanding she hasten so the mixture won't ruin. Her mouth takes it all in, head bopping up and down as she slides her moistened mouth up my hard stick. Her tongue pushes under my stick, causing it to shake. I quickly remove it, noticing a white sticky substance at the top. "Vewy.ahem.vwey good work.agwent."  
  
Feeling sicker, but oddly better, I lower myself to sit at her opening, and lower my throbbing Ilpalazzohood at her base. She moans, "Excel want othwer ingredient! She.bun.baby."  
  
I lean in, bracing her, as I pop over her lid. Excel gives off a surprised shriek, pulled at my hair. "Ow! Excel! I am twying to bwake here!"  
  
I hold her down, and push myself deeper into her, enjoying the warmth of the mixture. Thrusting myself in and out, mixing myself with Excel, we both groan with pleasure and the joy of being chefs. Something builds up inside of me; perhaps my bottle cap is heady to explode.My thrusts become rapid, my mind loses control. Holding her as close as I can, my body locks up, my ingredient releases into her. Excel clings to my neck, I thought I could hear her weeping. "Word Ipazzozzo, wour Excel will make a vewy tasty bun for wou, she promises."  
  
I nod in agreement, deepening my lips into her's. Such a loyal Agent, and so much fun at playing House too. We'd really have to do it again sometime. We lay in eachother's arms, drifting off to sleep.  
  
~@@@~  
  
~WATANABE~  
  
Wow.that was so beautiful.strange, but magical.I think. "Hyatt-Anata.?" I look over to face her gorgeous face in the light of the moon. All I see is a sea of red blood.SEA OF RED BLOOD?! "Ahhhhhhhhh!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
Morning.  
  
~SUMIYOSHI~  
  
I feel a lot better.thanks for staying with my tonight. I yawn, looking over to my bed partner.  
  
"Puchuu.Puchuu."  
  
~MATSUYA~  
  
"Dear God, it's like a truck hit my brain," I complain, sitting up, feeling my forehead, wincing. "I shouldn't have entered that tequila competition."  
  
"Would you like me to get you an aspirin," says Iwata.  
  
Iwata?  
  
I look to my side to see his naked, smiling self. Naked - ok, this doesn't look good. And nor does he.  
  
"What.what are you doing in my bed?" I demand, reaching for a handgun.  
  
"Aww.you don't remember our night of hot, steamy passion???"  
  
~CHIBI-CEL~  
  
A chorus of screams echoes through the casino. Hey, she even hears a gunshot, that's new! Cel-chan always hears this every time she stays overnight in a casino. She sits with Hat-chan in the casino's coffee house. Hat-chan drowns in her hot chocolate.  
  
Suddenly, Cel-chan spies her awesome past daddy running through the casino, weeping, wrapped in the sheet. She blinks wondering why he happens to be crying like a baby, wrapped in a blanket. That haggy troll Excel follows, wrapped in a pillowcase. God she's an idiot. "Why is Lord Ilpalazzo running and crying from his Excel???"  
  
"Keep away from me!" He demands back. "I need a shower, this is too horrible!"  
  
I blink some more; Cel-chan's eyeballs feel pain.  
  
"But we are married now my lord, Excel feels so energetic and gushy!" The hag jumps up and down, almost losing the pillowcase. Did she just say.what I think you just wrote?  
  
Past Daddy runs into a wall, falling into a crying heap, not looking near as dashing as usual. "It just gets worse!"  
  
Hatchan pops her head up, covered in warm hot chocolate. She sleepily looks around, "Miss Excel is.Cel-chan's mother? Yes?"  
  
I bash Hat-chan over the head with a swordfish, and fall to the floor, crawling over to past Daddy to weep with him, "It's just too hor-ri- bbbbblllleeeee!" 


	13. Conclusion!

[Author-Chan: And here, my loyal readers is where we draw to our dramatic, spellbound, exciting - oh fine then, here's where I string something together to make a quick ending to our already half-assed tale!  
  
Nabeshin: And what parody will we be ending with, oh great author of ours?  
  
Author-Chan: Something daring, something new - how about the future meets the past?  
  
Nabeshin: Wow, that is new! Good thinking!  
  
Author-Chan: I'm just that creative; it's a gift y'know.  
  
Pedro: It's so sad to see it end!]  
  
~@@@~  
  
Future.  
  
Hyatt sombrely drowns in her bathtub, bubbles rising to the surface. Excel sings, "Toot-toot!" as she plays with toy boats, sitting by the tub. "Have you cooled down yet, Hatchan?" Hyatt doesn't respond.  
  
The door to the house unlocks, in walks Watanabe, tired and irritated from his day at work. "I swear, if that idiot Iwata steals my lunch again I'm gonna throw him off Tokyo Tower! Ah, but at least now I'm home and can spend time with my two favourite girls. Hyatt-Anata! Hy-Hy-chan, I'm home!"  
  
He sets his suitcase on the couch, and wanders through the house. He stops at the foot of the bathroom, horrified to see his wife drowning, as her senior co-worker plays with the water. "What the hell are you doing?!" Watanabe whisks her out of the water, ruining poor Excel's boat game.  
  
"Hat-chan suffered a case of heat stroke, causing her eyes to bulge like two balloons, rosy at the sight, and glistening in the sun, however very, very fragile and ready to burst at any moment. So Excel rushed her here, where she threw her into the tub with cold water and an igloo she found lying in the Antarctic." Excel cheerily grins.  
  
Watanabe's glare softens as Hyatt comes to. "Oh my."  
  
"Where's my daughter?" He demands of Excel.  
  
Excel puffs her face, "Jeez, you're so rude to Excel! Hy-Hy-chan is at Excel's on a play date with her Cel-chan."  
  
"Oh, thank-goodness," he sighs, "Wait a minute.you left her alone with that freak Ilpalazzo?!"  
  
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Hyatt and Excel salute.  
  
"Excel does not appreciate her Lord Ilpalazzo being referred to as a freak, however her answer is yes!"  
  
"Oh dear God!"  
  
~@@@~  
  
"Ok, where are they?" Watanabe demands.  
  
Ilpalazzo sits at his throne, playing a hand-held dating sim; he peers up, to see Watanabe in his face. "Do you mind?"  
  
He draws back, asserting himself, "I know you sent them on another stupid mission, now where are the girls?!"  
  
"Your child is by default a proud member of ACROSS, with the failure to locate agents Hyatt and Excel, I was forced to send them on this day's important assignment to buy me valuable manga," Ilpalazzo explains, returning to his game.  
  
"Lord Ilpalazzo desires manga?" Wonders Excel, "Is her Cel-chan in F's mall then?"  
  
A rope drops by Ilpalazzo; Excel readies a rubber ducky. He pulls it, revealing the time portal. "Oh, they're just in the past, no need for concern."  
  
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe blink, staring at it like deer, seconds before brutally run over by a land rover. Excel scratches her head, "Not that Excel would ever question her heart-poundingly sexy lord and legal life partner.but was Lord Ilpalazzo sure that was wise?"  
  
"It was to get a manga no longer in print," asserts Ilpalazzo, "It was a risk they had to take, for the good of world domination!"  
  
Hyatt raises her hand, "Hyatt is.unsure how this helps, my lord."  
  
"God, he's an idiot!" Growls Watanabe, shaking his head.  
  
Ilpalazzo stands, dramatically pushing up one side of his cape, "Isn't it obvious? For domination of F, of Japan, - of the world! It is necessary for the leader to be happy, and to be happy today he needs a certain manga, and.Hey, what do you three think you are doing?"  
  
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe stand around the time device. "We're going to get them back, you egotistical nutcase," testily spits Watanabe.  
  
Ilpalazzo sits back down, "Be that way. Excel, if you live, be back in time to make me dinner, five-ish."  
  
Suddenly a hand reaches out, taking him by the hair. He sees it's Excel. She ignores his fierce glare, dragging him to the time machine. "Lord Ilpalazzo is going too!"  
  
"I get time sea-sick, I refuse!"  
  
"Lord Ilpalazzo!"  
  
"Fine then. But I won't forget this debauchery, Excel."  
  
~@@@~  
  
The very depressing present.  
  
Excel smokes a candy cigarette, observing Ilpalazzo and Cel-chan weep bitter tears. "Wow, they really are very loud, aren't they Chibi-Hat-chan?"  
  
Chibi-Hyatt wheezes by the table, wriggling for air.  
  
Hyatt and Watanabe stroll into the casino's café area, to find a half naked Ilpalazzo sobbing violently on the floor. "Ok."  
  
"Mornings are not Lord Ilpalazzo's thing, yes?" Hyatt meekly asks Excel.  
  
Excel, barely wrapped in a pillowcase munches down her cigarette, "Our wondrous Lord Ilpalazzo in-took too much alcohol last night, suffering whacked out brain problems, so he wasn't thinking like his usual Lord Ilpalazzo self. To make the situation worse he forced his loyal agent, Excel, to also intake this brain numbing to the masses substance. While Excel's brain does suffer minor technical glitches, she did incur a meltdown and acted up much worse than usual. The affect appears to have been us going at it like two horny beavers."  
  
Watanabe blinks, "Well.that was more information than I needed."  
  
"I've heard her say worse, you should hear her describe her laundry," comes a voice.  
  
He turns behind him, to see.himself! As well as another Ilpalazzo, Excel and Hyatt. Watanabe screams, ducking to the ground, "What the hell is going on?!"  
  
Future Watanabe turns his attention to his daughter, "Ah, there's Daddy's Hy-Hy-chan!" He kneels beside his wriggling, wheezing daughter, taking her into his arms, "Sweety, you really should remember to take your medication."  
  
Chibi-Hyatt weakly smiles, "Very.sorry."  
  
"You're her father?!"  
  
Future Watanabe rolls his eyes, "No, I called myself her dad for the hell of it - of course I am!"  
  
Hyatt and Future Hyatt silently stare at each other, eerily smiling. Blood dribbles from the side of their mouths before they collapse to the floor.  
  
Future Ilpalazzo makes his way to his crying daughter, folding his arms at the sight of his past self, acting less of a man than he preferred. "Relinquish my offspring, past self, I have a game to return to. Come now, time is domination."  
  
Ilpalazzo halts his weeping, peering up at his future self, "So.everything turns out for my better interests? Excel isn't Cel's mother?"  
  
Chibi-Cel gasps in hope.  
  
"No, Excel is unfortunately the mother of my children," he replies, lifting Cel-chan to her feet, "However it turns out she is a fine gourmet; as you know inhumanly loyal; and always inexplicably energetic in the bedroom, I don't even have to give effort."  
  
"Oh.well.maybe I can make a tax write off from this," sighs Ilpalazzo.  
  
Future Excel leaps onto Excel's table, sitting the centre, crushing a Puchuu. "Ah, why you sit on me?!"  
  
"The past is more cheesy than Excel remembers!" Comments Future Excel, "However that could do with the stray ball of cheese beside her and the cow she spies in the distance."  
  
Excel's head rolls around her neck, "So, Excel is the unfortunate mother to that midget bitch brat Cel, and the divinely lucky wife of her idol, Lord Ilpalazzo?"  
  
"Yep, that's the short and long end of the dangerously man-killing rattler!"  
  
"Wow, Excel is both revolted and turned on, what a morning!" Screeches Excel.  
  
Chibi-Hyatt points to the bookshop, a poster of Sailor Moon staring right at her, "Man.ga."  
  
Future Ilpalazzo nods his head, "Well done, mini agent Hyatt, and mission completed."  
  
~@@@~  
  
"What do you mean you're sold out?!" Future Ilpalazzo demands, shaking the casino's bookshop owner.  
  
"Sorry.sir!"  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
Chibi-Cel cocks an eyebrow, watching her dad threaten some loser with a missile launcher. She notices a small puppy dangling from a ceiling light. The puppy yelps, losing her grip. She falls into the young girl's arms, "Hey there, Chi, time to get home!" Chi sniffles, letting a howl pass her lips.  
  
Watanabe tremors, nervously sipping a cup of coffee, "I can't believe this is happening.this is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me."  
  
His future self yawns, "Oh, you know that's not true."  
  
"It's still abnormal!" His veins pop out as he yells at his future counterpart.  
  
The two Hyatts shoot up.  
  
"I do believe I have dinner to begin," says Future Hyatt.  
  
"And Excel has Menchi to hunt," adds Future Excel, "She is wily and illusive!"  
  
Future Ilpalazzo folders his arms, walking away from the now destroyed book shop. "Black market shopping again for Ilpalazzo it would seem. Excel, this is all your fault!"  
  
Future Excel salutes, "Your Excel understands! She takes this blame energetically at 100%! 100% being the current percentage that comes to mind, though she could say 4/4, or a whole slice of the juice, cherry, piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiie!"  
  
Ilpalazzo watches Excel's future self fall into a black void. Future Ilpalazzo lets go of a button located on his left glove. "Portable punishment void, very effective."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Ok, let's go home Hat-chan!" Giggles Chibi-Cel, taking her friend's limp wrist. They look back at everyone, noticing the cast of Excel Saga assembling for some reason into the café. Chibi-Hyatt waves. "See you.soon."  
  
The two watch their parents jump into the future. Wind circles around the two girls, their hair flaps around their small faces.  
  
"It's been fun," cheekily grins Chibi-Cel, "keep the good times rollin'!"  
  
They leap into the future, leaving the casino's café a mess from the sudden windstorm.  
  
"OK troops, you know what to do," Kabapu says to his employees.  
  
Already got the broom.   
  
"I have my mop!" Yells Iwata, "Say.Mrs. Iwata, like to lend me some fluids.?"  
  
Misaki runs Iwata over in her floor buffer, "How's that?"  
  
Shiny as a diamond, Iwata cringes on the floor, "So.sparkly."  
  
"Idiots," groans Watanabe.  
  
BAD END!  
  
Continue? New Game? End?  
  
"Wait a second," suddenly cuts in Lord Ilpalazzo, "Did he put a plural on that.? There's more children than Cel-chan?!"  
  
FAN FIC TOTALLING 13 INSTALMENTS  
  
QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FAN FICTION: EXCEL SAGA  
  
TODAY'S EXPERIMENT.FAILED!  
{Written by: Samantha Hill, 2003. Send all fan mail and hate mail to: chibiusa61@hotmail.com - Have a Puchuu Day!} 


End file.
